whAT AM I EVen sUPPOSED tO SAY
ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A FANGIRL AND SHE FANGIRLED ATTRACTIVE BRITISH MEN AND WISHED SHE LIVED IN BRITAIN BUT NO SHE LIVED IN AMERICA WITH ALL THE AMERICANS AND NO BRITS AND PEOPLE CALLED HER SCHOMBAT AND SHE LIKED THEATRE AND CHOIR AND JUST BRITAIN OKAY
OH MY GOD APPARENTLY TAKING AN ARROW TO THE KNEE WAS AN OLD NORDIC SLANG FOR GETTING MARRIED
I THOUGHT THAT ALL THOSE GUYS IN SKYRIM HAD LITERALLY BEEN SHOT IN THEIR KNEES WITH ARROWS BUT I GUESS NOT
And at that moment, the foundation of that entire meme became something like this:
THAT EXPLAINS WHY MEN GO DOWN ON ONE KNEE WHEN THEY PROPOSE
OH MY GOD
i hate when couples say “we’re pregnant” because there is a very slim chance that they are both pregnant
hey if you teach your parrot to say ‘parrot’ it’s probably as close as you’ll get to owning a pokemon
My brother tells a story about his roommate’s parrot, that everyone who came to the house would say “you’re a bird!” to it so the bird would repeat the phrase back, no big. Until one day my brother was alone in the house with it and heard it say, very quietly, “I’m a bird.” My brother almost dropped a plate.
(Source: doglets)
when guys wear that one cologne where all you want to do is bury your face in their chest and sniff because they smell that damn good
(Source: mykindoflibrarian)
“hey we’re gonna order pizza”
“you have to finish your homework first”
(Source: smilingemoticon)
My mother just came with the groceries and I opened the door and without thinking asked “swiggity swag what’s in the bag” and she replied “bip boop bop bread and flip-flops
